Week Four: Nature vs. Nurture

The nature versus nurture argument is one that will probably never be settled. Some people say our personalities are a product of genetics. Some people say our personalities are made up of our life experiences, or our environment. I, as a mother, like to think that it’s a combination of both. My oldest daughter is very kind, quiet, studious, and intellectually curious. My middle daughter is stubborn, argumentative, and a perfectionist. I’d like to think that my older daughter is the way she is because I spent so many hours with her alone when she was a baby - reading to her, doing puzzles, singing and dancing. But I don’t like to think that my middle daughter is the way she is because I lost my patience with her too many times or I didn’t have the time to sit down and read and sing with her as much as I did my oldest. I refuse to believe that they both turned out with opposite personalities because I, their mother, treated them differently. If I believed this, the guilt would be unbearable.

My husband tells me that he used to sit on his bed and read all day, just as my oldest daughter does now. And I distinctly remember defying and arguing with my parents on many occasions, just because I didn’t want to give in. If I had spent more time reading to my middle daughter and less time trying to divide my time and love between two little girls, maybe she would have had a different personality altogether. However, this cannot be proven, so I’m leaning toward the “nature” argument versus “nurture” just for my own sanity, but it’s clearly both.

My middle daughter was recently diagnosed with sensory processing disorder (SPD). She has sensory defensiveness. In other words, she needs her personal space and doesn’t like when people invade it. She also has problems with clothing, like getting her socks on just the right way or avoiding collars and belts. She is very sensitive. Until I figured out what was wrong with her, my husband and I tried yelling and time-outs to no avail. If it took her 30 minutes to get that one sock on just the right way, nothing we could say would change it. Now that we know she is this way because of something physiological, and she’s not just on a quest for attention, we have changed how we react to her. We know it’s not something she can control, that it’s probably something she was born with, so we are more patient with her and react in a totally different way than before her diagnosis. She is starting to change too, as a result of our new attitude toward her.