This topic is actually very much top-of-mind in my family
right now. I decided to take this sociology course and other prerequisites as a
step toward maybe going back to work one day soon. Since I’m a stay-at-home mom
(SAHM), it really doesn’t bother me that the majority of the checkmarks on the
sheet were in my own column. However, my husband and I talk about this all the
time: How do we shift those checkmarks into his column once I do start working?
Actually, now that I’m taking two courses this semester and performing all
these duties, I’m really starting to feel what it might be like when I actually
do take that step. Sometimes, when it’s Sunday afternoon and I have two papers
to write before midnight (ahem) and the house is a disaster and I have no idea
what I’m making for dinner, I think I’m making the wrong decision to go back to
work. Sometimes my kids tell me they want me to stop working on my papers or
reading my textbooks and “pay attention” to them. My oldest has even flat-out
told me that she doesn’t want me to go back to work.
As far as the checklist goes, my husband does unload the
dishwasher occasionally, and he can somewhat be counted on to mow the lawn. He
and I share a lot of things, like shoveling snow and mowing the lawn. He gets
the kids up but I get them dressed. He makes the oldest ones breakfast and
takes them to school and I make the youngest one breakfast and take him to
school. I pay the bills, but he worries about them. He likes me to drive when
we go on family outings or vacations because he just doesn’t like to drive.
And he’s completely inept when it comes to home repairs or electronics, so those
are in my column too. So, there were not a lot of checkmarks in his column at
all, but again, I’m home for a reason - so I can be here 100% for my kids and
husband, so I shouldn’t complain too much (but I do!).
My husband actually works long hours at a bank
and comes home tired and stressed out. I, on the other hand, go to the gym,
read my textbooks, write papers, take tests, get coffee with friends, drive my
kids to their activities, make dinner, and put everyone to bed. Is it unfair?
Well, yes, most days I can’t believe that I graduated from college and worked
for many years at a high-paying job, only to be relegated to dishwasher-loader
and pajama-folder. I have many friends who are in the same situation as me, and
we all kind of feel like we’re missing out on something. Yet we all admit that
we are very fortunate to have the ability to stay home. We all believe we are
doing what is best for our children. When I told my other SAHM friends that I
wanted to go back to school and become a nurse, they all told me it was going
to be a challenge and that they don’t see how they could ever attempt such an
endeavor (“But good for you!”).
So, for now, I'm okay having a "second shift" because it allows me time during the day with my kids - volunteering at their schools, being there for them when they are sick, etc. And at night, that's when the laundry and homework gets done. My husband provides the paycheck so we can go on nice vacations and live in a nice neighborhood. The checklist is going to have to change when I start working again and that is my major source of concern. Because of his job, I will be the one picking the kids up from school when they are sick and I will be the one taking a day off from work to attend the parent teacher conference and Thanksgiving parents program. How that is all going to work is still very much a mystery to me.
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